So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
