I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
