Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
