Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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