just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
