I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
