hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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