just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
