A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
