Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
