I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
