You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
