I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
