He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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