Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize