so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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