either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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