make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize