I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
