he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
