PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
should my penis look like a turkey
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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