Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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