Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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