Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
