if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize