Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
