Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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