So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
