Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
