Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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