Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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