so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
