I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
