Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize