I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
