You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
