I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
