My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
