Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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