Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
