Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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