When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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