There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
