I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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