How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
