remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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