i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
This toilet bowl is my home.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
