So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
