Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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