Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
