I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
