Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize