I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
