Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I want to make a zoo with you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
