we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
