I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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