I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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