Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
