I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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