i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
