I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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