My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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