please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
