Cold hands, warm shart.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
