Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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