so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too high and old for this...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
