the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
