Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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