also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
