yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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