after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
