we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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