And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
