You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
