just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
