Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
