Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
