Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
