Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
