id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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