i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
