oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize