I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
