you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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