I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
