weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
