I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
