Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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