she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
