You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
