Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize