So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
