you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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