I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
