How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
