Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
