once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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