its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
