I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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