we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
