Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
