I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i think i just lost a toe
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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