I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
