Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
