You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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